A lot of the topics that come up during classes and workshops are about “what to do next / what makes sense / what should my next rope be?” And it makes sense that people stumble over this.
I think it has to do with what has become an almost forbidden topic of riggers’ desire. Apparently I’m not the only one feeling this way. In our last Model Behaviour podcast we recorded with Saara Rei and Anna Noctuelle, we talked about “embodiment for riggers” and we came to talk how riggers can become somewhat disconnected from their own pleasure. Not knowing how to connect to it, not daring to show it… (The episode is coming soon, stay tuned!)
Part of it is the terror from the consent culture we created. It isn’t safe to be vulnerable.
Part of it is teaching rope like “painting by numbers”. It isn’t safe to fail.
Part of it has always been there. As I started in the scene, the default expectation was that riggers must entertain the models. Please the bottom, and never open the box of your own wishes.
So perhaps none of this is new. All in all, it is always easier to hide behind a “serving role” than to come out with our desires.
The pitfall is, going for what is safe and convenient, we unlearn to listen to ourselves.
“You need to erotisize it, not rationalize it!”
A student once said this in class. I hope Bernardo you don’t mind me quoting you here <3
This is the bottom line! Eroticisim will not flow in a safe overregulated overexpected space where you feel pressure to deliver. It’s not just an appeal to riggers. It’s an appeal to the culture we are creating. We need to re-discover playfulness. Empowered, ethical playfulness.
Where it’s maximally safe to ask and to show yourself and maximally safe to fail.
What is your desire?
What do you want to feel?
It is all about our personal, ultra personal kinks, desires and fantasies. Is it about creating fun transitions, giving impact through the rope and feeling the body trembling under your hands, or is it about communication and finding the other persons’ buttons…? How different we all are.
And when we know what we love, we practice more of just that. We practice more of what we love.
We come to artistry through practicing what we love.
And of course it’s only a stage in a process. We will come to realize that ultimately we will need to let go of our personal desires for the sake of serving something bigger. But the process requires us passing all the gates and the truth is we cannot let go of something we never had. We don’t go from deficiency to transcendence. We first need to experience abundance.
So, dear riggers, practicing what you love is the way. I hope there is something here for you the next time you wonder where your next rope should come from.
P.S. I’m currently working on a piece about vulnerability for the next KSB Magazine. If you feel like opening up about these themes, I would be very glad to hear from you - please feel free to reach out <3