“What is the meaning of an armbinder for you?” I was asked in class.
As long as I define Kinbaku as something deeper than a means of immobilization (not mere physical restriction, but a deeper feeling, an emotional experience), for me, the meaning grows from our shared story and memories.
It has something to do with all the years and memories we created together that are connected to this tie. When I come to the place and sit in seiza, 15 years of seiza are sitting together with me.
The gesture of my partner bringing my arms on my back and opening my chest becomes the beginning of a ritual we have practiced together for so many years. By the way he ties, he can “quote” a memorable moment from our past and we both would laugh, and share a meaning that exists only between the two of us.
It has something to with all the snowboarding weekends I didn’t take on the slope and took rope workshops instead. And with many other hobbies I threw into the fire of my passion for kinbaku… with travelling overnight buses and sleeping in random airbnbs and night long discussions and doing your best also when you are not feeling like doing it at all.
It has to do with my sacrifices and choices, with my mistakes and findings, with my doubts and discoveries, that I made as a part of my commitment to this practice.
It is definitely not the only way to find meaning, that’s just how it works for me. And perhaps not everyone is even looking for a “meaning” to begin with. Meaning of … has something to do with added message, a significance. It is the idea that in tying the rope we represent, express, or intend to convey something beyond tying the rope.
I've heard some teachers speak about the dynamics of tying one's long-term partner, suggesting that couples who continue to tie each other are seeking emotional safety. I find this understanding rather schematic.
I would say it's the novelty factor that tickles my senses when I'm tied by a new person. There might also be a potentiality of depth and meaning, an added message, a significance … that can be uncovered over time.
Actually, I think that process is bottomless.